


All the Things You Are

by Daretodream66



Series: All The Things You Are [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, M/M, Major Character Injury, See the notes on this one please, Shy Steve Rogers, Younger Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 19:09:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20493809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Steve meets Bucky in a coffee house and develops a crush.  Bucky is an author and Steve is Captain America.  The story unfolds from there.





	All the Things You Are

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't know where this one was going for a long time, but the last couple of days it just kind of happened. Towards the end there's an excerpt from Bucky's biography of Steve. If you read my story 36 Questions, this excerpt was born from one of Steve's responses. It was difficult to write and keep the character true, but I think Steve would treat it this matter of factly and Bucky would, or this Bucky would, react the way he does.  
I also leaned a little more in to the smut area on this, but it's not something I'm good at writing, so I didn't go too far.

The serum was a curse. At the time that he was chosen for Project Rebirth, he didn’t see it that way. It was a way to get rid of all his ailments and join the war. But now, sitting in a future he didn’t sign on for, he knows. It allowed him to fight the good fight, but it never let him be a part of this world. It kept him separate. His team laughed at this conclusion because they thought the serum made him unique, extraordinary and being separate from the world was a good thing. They also said that they were all separate in their own ways. Steve knew different.

So, Steve puts on his jacket, hat and glasses and goes in search of something, anything that will help him feel like he belongs. He needed something low-key that allowed him to just be. Steve found one such place, hidden away in an old store front called _Hit the Ground Running, _it was a coffee house with locals as its clientele. Tourists went to the closest Starbucks and Steve let them have that because what he wanted more than anything was to go somewhere that he could just sit, draw and be left alone. HGR was one of those places. If they recognized him, they never gave an indication and each day, that he had time, he could be found in a back corner, sketch pad out.

After a few months, he knows they know who he is because the few times that it looked like someone was coming over to his table, Chloe, the girl at the counter, would head them off, whisper something in their ear and he’d be left alone. But as is with everything good, someone has to rain on it and make it soggy. 

It was a normal Wednesday afternoon, but it was raining outside, meaning people had flocked into stores until the rain let up and they could go about their lives. Steve was sitting at his regular table, sketching, when a shadow fell over the table. Chloe must have missed one because Steve was just starting to put on his ‘It’s ever so nice to meet you’ face with a dash of ‘please go away and leave me alone’ face, but was surprised to hear instead, “Hey, I’m really sorry, but there aren’t any other seats in the place and you have a free one, do you mind?”

Just as Steve was about to say something a little too rude, he looked up into the single most beautiful face he’d ever seen and changed his tune. “Uh…yeah…sure…” His unique ability to sound like an idiot decided to show up; always a good first impression.

The guy just grins and sits pulling out a laptop, opening it and going to work. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even look over the top of the computer, just left Steve in peace. It was nice, unexpected, but nice. Steve went back to sketching and if he started drawing the guy across the table, no one needed to know that. 

Thursday was nothing but meetings that Steve only half listened to. He didn’t make it back to the coffee house until Friday. Steve took his place at his table, Chloe brought him his coffee and a lemon/blueberry tart and he started sketching. Sure enough, about an hour later that same shadow fell over the table.

“You mind?” Steve shook his head and the guy sat down. Again, he says nothing else just pulls out the computer and starts working. Not long after his phone rings, he looks at Steve with an apologetic look. “I wouldn’t take it, but it’s my editor.” Steve listens to the one-sided conversation and gleans a few things about his table companion. One, he’s writing a book. Two, it’s not his first. Three, his editor is a dick and last, but not least, he’s on a deadline. Hanging up and puts his face in his hands. Looking up he catches Steve’s eyebrow making a journey north. “Again, I’m sorry, but that woman is trying to get blood from a stone. She thinks threatening me will inspire me to write.”

Steve chuckles. “Maybe she’s ex-military, that’s how they did it too.”

The beautiful man laughs too. “I never thought about that. At least I get paid better.” Steve snorts and they go back to their separate activities, but Steve starts yet another sketch of the man.

So, Steve has to deal with his blooming attraction to a man whose name he doesn’t know. Through sketching the man again, Steve starts to notice things like he’s young, almost too young to be working on a second book, he’s focused when he works and seems to block everything else out, and finally, he’s what the girls from his time used to call devastatingly handsome, but in Steve’s mind he can’t call him that because it’s more, so much more. 

This is how he wanted to meet someone. The problem is that he doesn’t know how to meet someone that he finds attractive and carry on a conversation. Even if the person is literally sitting right across from him.

He’d told Nat over and over that he didn’t want a fix up; he wanted to meet someone more organically. She never seemed to listen though. And so, like so many times before, she’d shown up at his apartment with yet another name and number to some ‘really nice girl he should ask out.’ He’d lost his temper that night, raised his voice even. He had apologized repeatedly later, but she didn’t seem to need that. It was just so frustrating that everyone treated him like he wasn’t capable of navigating this new world.

_“I don’t want this.”_

_Nat smirked, shoving the paper at him. “You need this. You have to get out there and meet someone.” He’d started to say something then she crossed a line. “Stop acting like you don’t want it. I’m tired of watching you look longingly at couples. I can read you like a book, Rogers, now do what I’m telling you because you don’t know what’s best for you.”_

_And he snapped. “Fuck you, Romanov! You don’t know what I need. You don’t even know me. You think you have me figured out, but you don’t see me, you see the shield. You don’t have a clue who the guy behind the shield is. You judge me by what’s in my file and the people that put that together didn’t know me either. You keep trying to fix me up with women, but if you knew anything about me or could ‘read me like a book’ then you’d know you were way off base. So, do me a favor and stop trying to fix me up with people. I’m not interested._

And that had been the end of it as far as Steve knew. She never brought another number and never brought up that night again. It was a relief, but also gave him pause. He wondered when the other shoe would fall on that situation. So far, nothing had happened.

The next day, Saturday, the team is called on a mission. They find themselves halfway round the world and Steve lost days. During the rare downtime he wonders about his table companion: is he still showing up, does he sit at their table, does he wonder where Steve had gone. It’s all too much to think about, so Steve pushes it to the back of his mind and does his job. They are gone a week, returning on a Friday; the first chance Steve has to go back to the coffee house is the following Monday. He enters, placing his order and sits at his table.

Today he decides to sketch Chloe behind the counter, engrossed in his sketch, he doesn’t notice someone coming up to the table, then he hears, “Thank god you’re back.” The chair on the opposite side is pulled out and the guy brings out his computer. For a minute Steve thinks the guy knows who he is, but he gives no other indication. “You know people are a little scary.” Steve gives a puzzled look. “Well you weren’t here pal and I had a couple of people approach me and tried to use this place as a pick up joint.”

Steve laughs. “I’m sorry I put you in such a precarious position.” The guy snorts. “Maybe if we set up a schedule, it won’t happen again.”

“Alright, I’m in here on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Can you make those days?”

Steve nods. “I can make those days unless I’m out of town on…business.”

He reachs across the table, shaking Steve’s hand. “Deal.” And they go back to work like the conversation never happened. Steve still doesn’t know his name, but he definitely likes the way the guys hand feels in his. They work in companionable silence and Steve starts another sketch of his table mate. As he draws, he notices that when his face is relaxed, he seems even younger. Steve examines that for a minute and decides that if given the chance to get to know this guy, he doesn’t really care about age.

Wednesday, a week later, comes around and Steve thinks seriously about what he’s going to wear. This is his personal time, so he wants to be comfortable, but today he’s determined to talk to the beautiful man that’s taking up way too much of this brain time. Jeans and a button down wins out, but today, Steve doesn’t put on the glasses and promises himself that he’ll take off the hat when the guy shows up.

See, Steve’s a smart guy, much to everyone else’s surprise, and he knows that he’s working up to asking this guy to dinner, AND really doesn’t want there to be this thing hanging between them if he says yes. IF the guy doesn’t know who he is, then that needs to happen quickly, like ripping off a band-aid. Hopefully, it won’t change anything and he won’t go all ‘oh my god, it’s Captain America.’ That would really be bad for Steve.

He arrives as usual, Chloe gives him a funny look and quirks an eyebrow. He huffs a laugh and she smirks. He really likes Chloe because she doesn’t treat him any different, but also kind of protects him. Placing his order, he goes to the table. It’s not long before his companion shows up, placing his order and turning to their table. He freezes for a minute then comes over to sit down. “You okay, pal? You look spooked.”

Steve doesn’t realize that he’s gone into survival mode: wide eyes, heavy breathing, flushing. He takes the hat off, running his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, I’m good. Thanks for asking.” He looks back up and sees the moment of recognition, not of ‘oh god, I’ve been sitting at Captain America’s table’ recognition, but that moment of ‘oh, he’s letting me into his world’ recognition. “You knew.”

Even his snort is cute. “Yeah pal, I knew, but that’s not why I sat here. You seemed to like your down time and I needed to work. It was a win-win for both of us.”

Steve blushes. “Thanks for that by the way, but you have me at a disadvantage.”

The guy smirks. “Truthfully, we are both at a disadvantage.” Steve looks at him confused. “Well, just because I know who you are doesn’t mean we’ve properly met.”

Steve offers his hand. “Steve Rogers, it’s nice to meet you.”

The man takes his hand, shaking firmly. “James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky. It’s nice to meet you, Steve.”

Chloe brings over their orders and smiles. “Finally.” She mumbles as she walks away.

For the next hour, they work as they always have, but this time, there’s shared, quiet conversation between the two. “So, a few weeks ago, you were on a mission.” Steve nods even though it wasn’t a question. “And that’s what you meant when you said, ‘out of town on business.’”

Bucky is grinning at him. “Well, I didn’t know if you knew who I was, so business.”

Sometimes Bucky will look at what’s on his screen and grumble. Each time, Steve will look up and raises an eyebrow, Bucky will snort and go back to whatever is giving him trouble. Then quiet conversation starts up again. 

“What are you working on that has you so grumbly?” Steve’s smirking and Bucky chuckles.

“I write historical fiction novels and this one is a pain in the ass.” He looks back down at his screen. “Why do people talk so fondly about the ‘good ole days’ when they actually sucked?”

It’s Steve’s turn to snort. “I think people like to believe that times were simpler back then, but they forget that they were simpler because no one had anything.”

After they’ve had three cups of coffee and shared a couple of pastries, Bucky closes his laptop, folding his arms on the table and levels a look at Steve. Steve puts his sketch book aside. “Everything okay, Buck?”

Bucky blushes at the shortening of his nickname, glancing down at the table. “I have, what some might call, an inappropriate question for you Steve.” He looks back up and Steve’s mirroring his position. “And I fully expect to get punched for asking it, but can you not use full strength when you do?” Steve furrows his brow, but nods. “This kinda feels like it might be leading somewhere. Is this a date, Steve?”

It’s Steve’s turn to blush. “It wasn’t a proper one. For that, I’d have to get my head outta my ass and ask you to dinner.”

Bucky smiles and it’s the sexiest thing that Steve’s ever seen. “Then I need to understand a little better.” Steve nods again. “They’ve been portraying you as…” Steve hangs his head, shaking it. “I have to ask, pal.”

Steve meets his eyes defiantly. “They portrayed me the way they wanted me, not the way I really am.”

Bucky puts his laptop away and Steve thinks he’s fucked up. Bucky gets up and grabs his bag, turning to leave. He makes it a few steps then turns back to Steve. “You comin or what, punk?”

Steve chuckles, jumping up, grabbing his stuff. “Right on your six, jerk.”

Dinner is a hole in the wall Mexican place that Bucky swears is the best food Steve will ever eat. He’s right. They walk after dinner to a bar that Steve likes because they don’t give a crap who he is and treat everyone with respect and acceptance. After drinks, they walk until Bucky stops in front of a building. “This is me.”

Steve has learned that Bucky is a novelist with two books to his name and a third being the one that he works on at the coffee house. Steve makes a mental note to pick them up as soon as possible. He learns that about once a month Bucky goes to see his sister at Brown because their parents died in a car accident when Bucky was 18 and Becca was 16. He learns that Bucky had raised his sister until she was 18 and went to college, where she is now in her senior year. He’s admitted to Steve that he graduated high school at 15 and had his degree by the time he was 19. That made Bucky 23, about to be 24, and even more impressive. Listening to Bucky, Steve finds himself feeling guilty about thinking his life is difficult.

Bucky asked questions about the Depression Era because his current book deals with it. He laughs saying that if he’d been smarter, he would have been asking Steve questions and using him as a resource. Steve laughs. “But isn’t it more satisfying to do the research and find those interesting facts on your own?”

Bucky chuckles. “Hey, if it would have gotten me further along and my editor off my case, I would use any and all resources.”

Steve talks about his friends from the war, the Commandos, Peggy and Howard. Bucky listened intently and it warms Steve’s heart that he seems so interested. That’s when they’d left the bar and headed into the night. Now, standing outside Bucky’s apartment building, Steve doesn’t really want to go home. “I guess I should say goodnight then.”

He can tell that Bucky is struggling with something, but then resigns himself to proper etiquette. “Yeah, but I will see you at the coffee house?”

Steve takes out his phone and hands it to Bucky. “You can see me anytime you want.” Bucky puts his number in and hands it back. Steve shoots off a text so Bucky has his number too. “Contrary to what most people think, I do know how to text.”

Bucky giggles and Steve is absolutely charmed by the sound. “I bet you know how to use all kinds of tech and just let people believe you don’t.” Steve blushes. “I knew it! Do they have any idea how much of a little shit you are?”

Steve shakes his head. “No, they don’t know much about me.”

Bucky’s smile disappears and he seems sad for Steve. “I want to know as much as you are willing to share with me.”

Without thinking, Steve reaches up and caresses Bucky’s cheek with his thumb. “And if I want to share everything with you?”

Bucky nuzzles into the hand now cupping his face, turning and kissing the palm. “Then I’d say I’m pretty damn lucky.”

Steve leans in and kisses him on the opposite cheek. “Night, Buck.”

“Night, Stevie.”

The following morning Steve stops in the middle of his run, confusing Sam, to check his phone. He felt it buzz and hopes that it’s Bucky. Finding a good morning text makes him smile. “That’s a new look. You got a new friend?”

Steve types out his response, ‘some of us have been up long enough to take a run’ grinning, he hits send. “Yeah, met someone at the coffee house I like to go to.”

Sam slaps his shoulder. “That’s great man. What’s her name?”

Bucky response makes Steve laugh out loud. ‘Well some of us don’t understand the need to run when drinking coffee and eating donuts is an option.’ Then he looks up at Sam. Like a band-aid he spoke. “It’s not a woman, it’s a guy, his name is James and we had our first date last night.”

He stares at the ground, waiting for the rejection. The hand on his shoulder makes him look up into the grinning face of his friend. “I don’t care about sexual orientation. You like a guy, then like a guy, get married, have super-soldier babies with him.” Steve laughs, but checks Sam’s face for deception. Sam knows because Sam always knows. “I’m not trying to be politically correct, I really don’t care.” Walking in a circle, Sam looks at him conflicted, then determined. “Did you think that Riley and I were just buddies?”

Steve’s eyes get really wide. “I…I…really?”

Sam nods. “Losing him was the reason I couldn’t keep going. I needed to walk away or follow him.” Steve understands that sentiment. “We always said we’d be together until the end of the line and I couldn’t see going on without him.” Steve hugs his friend. “Now, I want to meet this guy, cause if he ain’t good enough for you, I’m going to run him off and find you someone better.”

Steve just laughs again. “Trust me, he’s too good for me.” His phone buzzes again. ‘Coffee?’ “He wants to meet for coffee, you up for a meet?”

“Damn straight…or not straight…” Steve laughs until he cries, but shoots off a text telling Bucky ‘30 minutes’ and he’s bringing a friend.

Thirty minutes later, they are seated at the table that he and Bucky usually occupy. Bucky comes in looking exhausted, orders his coffee and comes to sit. Because Sam is across the table, Steve pulls out the chair next to him, Bucky plops down laying his head on Steve’s shoulder. “Buck, did you sleep?”

Bucky leans up and kisses Steve’s cheek. “Worked on the novel until 4. Why do mornings suck so bad?”

Sam grins, Steve kisses his forehead and Chloe sits his coffee down. Bucky grabs at it, inhaling deeply. “Ambrosia of the gods, right here.” Chloe snorts and walks away.

“Did I mention last night how cute you are about your coffee addiction?” Bucky grins at Steve and his nose crinkles up. Yeah, Steve’s definitely in over his head, but hopes that Bucky feels the same. They just stare at each other for a minute, when Sam clears his throat. “Oh shit, sorry. Bucky, this is Sam, Sam, this is Bucky.”

“I thought you said his name is James.” Sam reaches over the table, shaking hands with Bucky.

Bucky chuckles. “It is, but my sister gave me the nickname Bucky when she was little and it stuck.”

Sam nods, looking at Steve’s lovesick puppy face. “I’m going to call you James.”

By the time they leave, Sam is convinced that these two idiots are perfect for each other. The way they talk and stare is almost nauseating, but damn if Steve doesn’t deserve it. “Hey, I gotta head out, we got that meeting at the Tower this afternoon.” He shakes hands with Bucky. “It was really nice to meet you man. Hope to see more of you.”

He’s gone after that. Steve takes Bucky’s hand and they walk towards his apartment. “Why did you want me to meet Sam?”

Steve squeezes his hand. “Because he’s the only one that seems to really care about me. The others don’t even know I’m gay.”

Bucky stops in the middle of the sidewalk. Steve turns and sees a look that he can’t identify. Finally, Bucky speaks. “You just say it like it’s nothing. Like you don’t care who hears it.”

Steve leans in, stopping just before he gets to his goal to let Bucky pull away if he wants. He doesn’t. Their first kiss is soft and gentle. “I don’t care who knows. If people, including my teammates, can’t deal with it, then it’s their problem, not mine.”

“This is bad…so very bad.” Steve starts to pull away, but Bucky reels him back in for another kiss. “What are you going to do if I fall in love with you?”

Steve kisses him again, still chaste and careful. “I’m going to feel like the luckiest guy on the planet.”

“You have to be in the same meeting with Sam?” Steve nods and steals one more kiss. “Then go and be a hero or whatever it is you do most days.” There’s one more kiss and Steve jogs back to the tower.

Before getting in the shower, he sends two texts; one to Sam and one to Bucky.

To Sam: Thank you for today and being a friend when I needed one.

To Bucky: What are you going to do if I fall in love with you?

From Sam: Man, I could not be happier for you. Thanks is not necessary.

From Bucky: Marry you.

Steve starts to examine how he feels about this whole situation. They’ve been sharing space at the coffee house for over a month. They’ve been on three dates, if you count the coffee house yesterday, dinner last night, and coffee again this morning. He’s stretching it, he knows, but he’s trying to justify these intense feelings he’s having. Would he consider marrying Bucky? It’s not even a question. If this goes where he hopes it will, he’d love to have that kind of life. Bucky makes it easy.

He sends one more text. To Bucky: I’d say yes. For future reference.

That afternoon, in the middle of the briefing, Pepper comes into the conference room. She’s livid and looks at Steve like she wants to throttle him. “You could have given me a heads up on this. Now I have a shit storm to deal with.”

Steve knows exactly what she’s talking about, as does Sam, but everyone else looks confused and a little scared. Angry Pepper is not someone that any of the Avengers want to deal with. “It’s my personal life, Pepper and I didn’t see any reason why it was anyone else’s business.”

She takes a deep breath. “That’s all fine and good Steve, but when pictures show up on the internet, then it becomes my problem.”

Tony is furiously tapping way on his phone then whistles. “Damn Cap, right in the middle of the street?”

When everyone else starts questioning, Tony puts the image on the screen. Steve should be embarrassed, but seeing Bucky, in his personal space, kissing Steve, just makes the soldier smile softly. The whole table turns on him. Pepper comes around the table. “Why didn’t you just tell us you’re bi-sexual?”

Steve looks at Sam, sighing heavily. “Because I’m not.” She starts to say something, but he puts up his hand. “I’m gay, Pepper.” The room explodes. Steve goes over to the window, looking out on a future that he didn’t sign on for, listening to everyone in the room, but Sam, trying to decide his future. He stops listening and texts Bucky. ‘Hey, there are pictures of us on the internet from this morning.’

Bucky: ‘Yeah, I just got a call from Becca. She’s pissed I didn’t tell her we were dating. Are we dating?’

Steve huffs a quiet laugh. ‘I’d like to call you my boyfriend, if you are looking for something serious.’

Bucky: <blowing kiss emoji> ‘Consider yourself off the market, Steven.’

Steve: ‘I never actually considered myself on the market, but I like that I’m yours now.’

Bucky: ‘Man, you know how to say all the right things. Dinner tonight?’

Steve: ‘Where and when?’

Bucky: ‘How about if I come to yours and cook dinner for you?’

Steve: ‘Around 7? I’ll make sure JARVIS knows to let you up to my floor.’

Bucky: ‘JARVIS?’

Steve: ‘Trust me, just go to the security desk and they’ll know what to do.’

Bucky: ‘See you at 7.’

Steve grins down at his phone, but realizes that all the talking has stopped. He doesn’t look up, but hears Clint say, “I’ve never seen him smile like that before.”

“It’s creeping me out. Pepper, make him stop.” Tony takes a picture of Steve smiling down at his phone.

Pepper finally comes to him, putting a hand on his arm. He doesn’t mean to, but he jerks away. “Steve…Steve, it’s okay.” He looks at her apologetically. “This is serious?”

“He’s my boyfriend and I really could care less what anyone else thinks.” He looks back over at the room. “If you want the shield because you don’t think I uphold the right values anymore, feel free to take it.” He doesn’t wait for anyone to answer, just walks out of the room. Sam follows close behind him.

“I’m proud of you.” Sam leans against the wall of the lift.

“Why?” Steve’s shaking, but sends a message to the security desk to let them know that James Barnes will be coming to the tower and he’s to be sent directly to Steve’s floor.

“Because you just stood up for what Steve needs. You’re taking yourself back. That’s a big deal.” The lift stops on Steve’s floor. “You mind if I hang out here?” Steve shakes his head, leaves his phone on the counter, and goes to his room.

Sam isn’t one to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong, but he’s also got a friend to protect. Sam hears Steve moving around in his room. He picks up the phone; sending a text to Bucky. ‘Things just got ugly here. Steve could use you right now. This is Sam by the way.’

Bucky: ‘I’m on my way.’

“JARVIS?”

“Yes Mr. Wilson.”

“You need to be sure that James Barnes gets to Steve’s floor when he gets here. Override the security desk if you have to.”

“Already done, sir.”

Steve is in the shower when Bucky arrives. The lift opens and Sam shakes his hand. “Thanks for coming.” He spends a few minutes explaining what happened.

“He said he’d give up the shield?” Bucky paces trying to figure out how this went south so fast.

“Yeah, so you’re really important to him and I think that’s a good thing.” Sam’s worried what Bucky’s reaction will be.

“You may want to leave.” Bucky looks up at Sam, who is very confused. “It’s about to get very loud in the shower.”

Sam picks up his keys and heads for the lift. “JARVIS?”

“Yes Mr. Wilson.”

“This floor is on Blackout Protocol until further notice.” He looks at Bucky. “That’s JARVIS. Whenever you two are done doing whatever it is that you’re going to do, tell him to lift the blackout.”

Bucky is already pulling his shirt over his head. “Got it.”

Bucky strips as he follows the sound of running water. He finds Steve leaning against the wall, letting the water wash over him. He opens the shower door and steps in. Steve jumps when Bucky snakes his arms around him from behind and kisses his shoulder. “You up for company early?”

Steve leans back into Bucky. “God yes. How though?”

“Sam. Used your phone, sent me a text.” Bucky keeps kissing along Steve’s shoulders. “What can I do to help my boyfriend feel better?”

Steve hums. “What you’re doing is working wonders for my stress.”

“Then how about I keep helping.” Steve turns in his arms, kissing Bucky tender. It heats slowly, even with skin to skin contact. Bucky steps away for a minute and sucks in a breath. “Dear god, you are beautiful.”

Steve rakes his eyes down Bucky’s body and back to his face. “Do you own a mirror?”

Bucky laughs and steps back into Steve’s space. “What do you want?”

Steve nuzzles into Bucky’s neck, kissing and biting. “Something I’ve never had before.”

“What’s that?” Bucky practically whines, but in his defense, Steve is killing him with the kissing and bites.

“Someone that will take care of me when I need it, even when I don’t know that I need it.” It’s a huge confession on Steve’s part, he’s always taking care of everyone else, but no one ever thinks to check on him. Bucky knows how important Steve’s words are and how much it took for him to say it.

“I can do that, baby.” He leans back so he can see Steve’s eyes. “You ever done this before?”

“Hand jobs, suck jobs yeah, but not anything else.” Bucky nods his understanding.

“You want to top or bottom?” Bucky wonders if Steve knows what that is, but he doesn’t look confused so he must.

“I want to feel you in me.” Bucky kisses him long and slow, mapping out Steve mouth with his tongue. Then, Bucky washes Steve’s body and his hair. 

He takes his time, pampering Steve with attention. “That feel good, Stevie?” Steve nods, but seems past the point of talking. “Now I gotta ask you some things and I need you to tell me the truth.” Steve nods again as Bucky starts washing himself. “Are you clean?” The quirk of his eyebrow tells Steve he’s not talking about washing.

“Yeah…uh…the serum. I can’t catch anything or carry anything.” 

“Good to know. I’m clean too, so that brings up the next question. Do you want to use condoms anyway?” Bucky starts on his hair.

“I’d rather not, if you are okay with that.” Steve watches the water cascading down Bucky’s body, the dark hair traveling down his stomach to meet his groin, the way his gorgeous cock thickens the more then talk.

“We can do that. Do you like it rough or gentle?”

Steve’s cock is at full attention and he wants to bring Bucky to the same place. Before the last question is completely out of Bucky’s mouth, Steve is kneeling before him, looking up into stormy blue/grey eyes full of lust. “jesus Steve.”

Steve looks down at his half hard cock and back up into Bucky’s eyes. “Can I?”

Bucky places one hand on the shower wall and the other on Steve’s head because he’s not sure he’s going to be able to keep standing without support. “Shit yeah baby, you can do that. Get me hard.”

Steve doesn’t need any more encouragement. He dives in, taking Bucky as far in as he can. He moans around the cock nudging at the back of his throat and Bucky, without meaning to, bucks into this mouth. 

They stumble out of the shower not long after because Bucky was going to blow down Steve’s throat if he didn’t stop him. They make it to the bed, wet and not caring. After carefully opening Steve up, Bucky slides home to a high keening noise from Steve. “You okay?” Bucky uses what willpower he has to stay still until he can do a check in with Steve. Steve nods furiously. “I’m sorry baby, but you have to use your words. You gotta say it.”

Steve has one hand clutching at Bucky’s back and one twisted in the sheets. “Yea, I’m good, s’good.”

Bucky draws back slowly and plunges into Steve with all the force he can muster. Steve screams out a ‘yes’ and Bucky grins. “I want to hear every noise you need to make.” Bucky tries to hammer Steve’s prostate on ever pass to make it as good for him as possible. It’s glorious to watch Steve fall apart under him. It’s also glorious that Steve trusts him enough to fall apart that way. He’s definitely going to fall in love with Steve, no doubt about it. “Fuck babydoll, you feel amazing.”

Steve just keeps clutching and hanging on like Bucky’s the only thing that keeps him grounded. His legs, bent over Bucky’s shoulders, eyes rolled back in his head, screaming Bucky’s name as he comes. It’s the most beautiful thing Bucky has ever seen. “Come in me…please…Buck…” And that’s all Bucky needed to hear and he’s coming with a force that is new and overwhelming. He collapses on top of Steve and he’s cradled between Steve’s thighs and with his arms. 

“Holy fucking hell.” Steve floats for a little while, slowly coming back to himself. Bucky leans up, kissing Steve lightly. “You okay baby?”

Steve is still fuzzy and blinks up at him. “yeah…”

Bucky giggles, pulling out of Steve, who whines and goes into the bathroom. Coming back, he wipes Steve down, crawling in next to him and gathering him into his arms. Steve plasters himself against Bucky, laying his head on Bucky’s chest and making a snuffling noise. “Talk to me baby.”

Steve kisses Bucky’s chest. “Can we do that again?”

“Anytime you want.” Steve dozes off and Bucky is quick to follow. When he wakes later, Steve is still sleeping and wrapped around Bucky like an octopus. In the past, when Bucky’s shared a bed with someone, this is the time that he extricates himself and leaves quietly, but this is Steve and he wants to stay for as long as the man will let him.

When Steve wakes not long after, he looks up at Bucky, seeming surprised, and then smiles is softly. “You stayed.”

“Of course I stayed. Why wouldn’t I?” He really needs to understand where Steve’s head is.

“Dunno, just thought you might leave.” Bucky pulls him even closer. “Glad you didn’t.” Whatever past experience Steve has, it obviously wasn’t good if he thought Bucky would leave after.

“Steve?” Now’s as good a time as any. “Tell me what you are looking for. I know I made that joke about marriage, but I really need to know what you need.” Steve doesn’t speak for a little while, thinking through what he’s being asked and what he can give. “Don’t censor yourself, be honest with me.”

Steve swallows. “Okay.” He puts his thoughts in order. “When I’m him…” Bucky knows he means Cap. “I have to be in charge, make decisions, protect everyone around me. When I’m with you, I can be myself and I didn’t realize until earlier, that means I need to not be in control. I need someone to take charge so I can just let go.” He lays his cards on the table. “I’d like that person to be you, if you want that too.”

Bucky smiles at him. Steve starts to sit up, but Bucky pulls him back down. “I want to take care of you because you damn well deserve it.” Steve starts to shake his head. “Yes, you do. You are kind and creative and a soft teddy bear and no one sees that but me…and maybe Sam. Let me take care of you.” He smirks. “And if you want me to take charge like I did today it’s not like it’s a hardship.”

“I did okay?” And for the first time Bucky sees that little guy, unsure of his place or worth.

“Oh baby, you were beautiful and perfect.” They cuddle on the bed for a while, until Steve’s stomach rumbles, causing them both to laugh. “I guess I need to fix you dinner.” He gets up and digs around in Steve’s wardrobe finding two pair of pajama pants. “Put those on and meet me in the kitchen.” Steve nods as Bucky slips from the room, putting the pants on in the living room. Steve follows not long after. “Can we get groceries delivered?” Steve nods. “JARVIS, cancel Blackout Protocol.” Steve looks shocked. “You can thank Sam for that.”

“Blackout Protocol canceled. Good evening Captain Rogers, Mr. Barnes.”

“Hey JARVIS, can we get a couple of things delivered for dinner?”

“Of Course, Mr. Barnes. What would you like?”

Bucky gives the list of things to JARVIS and goes in the kitchen to find the pots and pans he needs. He fixes Steve a glass of water. “I expect you to drink all of that.” Steve sits down and starts drinking.

“Captain Rogers, I have been holding access to your floor and messages to your phone, would you like to access those messages now?”

Steve sighs. “Yeah, open them for me.”

“On your phone or on screen?”

Steve looks at Bucky, taking his hand and leading him into the living room. “On screen.” He’s not going to hide anything from Bucky. 

The first message is from Tony. “I’m not sure what’s going on, but JARVIS informed me that you’ve called for Blackout Protocol on your floor. I’m just trying to make sure you’re okay. Come on Cap, did you really think you being gay would matter to me?”

Second message is from Pepper. “I’m so sorry for how I handled this. I was thinking only about PR and should have been thinking about you. Please let me apologize in person.”

Third message if from Clint. “Man, your dude is hot!” Steve and Bucky both snort a laugh.

The last one if from Natasha. “I think you’re an asshole, but I guess I was kind of pushy. I am running a background check on this guy though.”

“What do you think?” Bucky takes Steve’s hand.

“I wish that they’d taken the time to get to know me and not the icon.” Bucky looks surprised. “We work in the field together, they follow my orders, but I don’t know them and they really don’t know me.” Bucky looks perplexed. “They don’t even know that I draw. They don’t know that I was in art school before.”

That shocks Bucky more than anything else. How have these people not ever taken the time to get to know the gentle soul that is Steve Rogers? How can they look at him and not see he’s more than just an icon? “Well, why don’t you invite them for dessert? Dinner is just for us, but I’m having a whole cheesecake delivered, just send a message and ask them to come up about 9.”

So, Steve does. They all response quickly and accept. Steve looks down at his half dressed state. “We can’t wear pajama pants when they get here.”

Bucky laughs. “Why not? You want them to see passed the icon then let them see you comfortable in your own space.”

They eat the chicken parmesan that Bucky makes and clean up just before 9. Dressed in tees and pj pants, Steve sits out the plates and cheesecake while Bucky makes coffee. Right on time, the lift opens, depositing the motley crew on Steve’s ‘doorstep.’ They seem nervous and Steve looks at them suspiciously. That’s when Bucky comes out of the kitchen carrying a bowl. “Hey Stevie, did you know you had fresh fruit? I mixed some…” He looks up into the faces of the Avengers, plus Pepper.

Steve comes over and sees that he’s mixed blueberries and strawberries for the cheesecake. “That’s a good idea. I didn’t think of that.” He kisses Bucky’s cheek and the two look at each other adoringly for a couple of seconds. That is, until Sam clears his throat. He’s seen the way they get caught up in each other and needs to get them back with the rest of the group, but that doesn’t stop him from smiling at the love-sick fools.

The first thing that strikes the group is how young Bucky is; the second thing is how Steve is looking at him. Pepper comes forward. “Mr. Barnes, I’m Pepper Potts. It’s good to meet you.”

He shakes her hand confidently. “Ms. Potts, it’s a pleasure.” He looks at the rest of the group. “Is anyone allergic to berries?”

Sam grins and comes over, picking a blueberry out of the bowl. “Good to see you again, James.”

“You too, Sam.” He puts the bowl on the table. “Who’s up for coffee?” The group is then perplexed at the fact that Sam seems to know all about this guy.

Clint comes forward, throwing an arm around Bucky’s shoulder. “I’ll help with the coffee. You got any of that flavored creamer stuff? Hazelnut or mocha? That shits awesome.” Bucky immediately likes Clint. “I’m Clint by the way. Good to meet you. Anyone ever tell you, you’re like smokin hot?”

Bucky laughs loudly as he and Clint get the coffee cups and creamers. Everyone else seems put off by all of this. “Is he living here?” Pepper smacks Tony in the head for asking. “Not that it’s a problem, just checking.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “No, he isn’t living here.” Steve watches everyone and can see the way that Bruce and Thor are looking at Natasha. He knows something is up.

Introductions are made and the last one to shake Bucky’s hand is Nat. “So, Mr. Barnes, you’re very young.”

And there it is. Steve is ready to jump in, but Bucky’s hand on his lower back stops him. “And your point is?”

He isn’t going to defend himself against the obvious. Clint leans in crossing his arms, like he wants to protect Bucky. Steve smiles at that. “I’m just wondering how long you plan on sticking around.”

Steve is fuming and a few others are looking the same. Then, Bucky does something that shocks and upends the room: he laughs. “I don’t really see how that’s any of your business, Ms. Romanov.”

There’s silence, then a chuckle from Clint. “I think you just got told to back the fuck off and I think he’s right. Stop being a spy for one goddamn night Nat and just be happy for a friend, would ya.”

The cheesecake is served with berries and Steve snuggles back into Bucky in the corner of the sofa, who feeds him from his plate. “That good, baby?” Steve just hums and takes another offered bite. The whole group watches in fascination because they don’t know this cuddly guy in pajama pants. But maybe they should have.

“I’m having a stroke. That’s the only explanation for this.” Sam laughs at Tony, but Bruce, Thor and Pepper watch the softness of Steve and Bucky together. Clint takes a picture of them and sends it off to Laura.

“Clint…” Steve warns.

“Are you kidding me? Laura’s been dying for information since our meeting this afternoon.” Steve nods and looks up at Bucky, smiling and cuddling in closer. This isn’t the way people acted in his time. Personal was kept behind closed doors, but Steve understands that new century means new rules and he’s going to enjoy being able to be open about how he feels.

Bucky stays that night and the next. He works on his novel and asked Steve questions about the Depression and Steve paints. He’d gotten the supplies months before, but never did anything with them, but on Bucky’s second day at the tower, he just needed to try out his artistic prowess with oils. The morning of the third day, Bucky has a meeting with his editor. He kisses Steve goodbye and heads out, thinking of the last couple of days and how easily Steve was able to let someone else take care of him. Almost like he’s been waiting for it his whole life and never had opportunity. 

Later, while his editor grumbles that Bucky isn’t writing fast enough, Bucky’s phone goes off with an alert that he’s never heard before. Then, his phone starts talking to him.

“Mr. Barnes, I have an incoming message from Captain Rogers.”

His editor frowns and starts to say something condescending about needing Bucky’s attention, but Bucky puts his hand up to shut her up. “JARVIS, how…why…”

“I apologize sir, but it was necessary to hack your phone. Captain Rogers has been called away on a mission and he wished for me to let you know.”

Bucky chuckled. “Maybe if you could get Mr. Stark to give me a StarkPhone, you wouldn’t have to hack mine. When did they leave?”

“The team left 12 minutes ago. Captain Rogers will call you when and if he has the opportunity. And sir, you have a StarkPhone waiting for you in Captain Rogers’s apartment.”

Bucky laughs loudly at that, his editor’s jaw is nearly on the floor. “I should have known that punk would do that.”

“Shall I let security know you will be coming by after your meeting?”

“Yeah…yeah, that’s a good idea. Thanks JARVIS.”

“Of course, sir.”

His editor sputters numerous times before she can get words out. “So…so…it’s true…I just thought those pictures were faked.”

He pushes that aside and tries to get back to business. “When do you want the next five chapters?”

She just stares at him then she gets a glint in her eyes that he doesn’t like. Getting up, she comes around to sit on the edge of her desk in front of him. “Have you thought about your next book?”

He’s weary of where this is going. “I haven’t even finished this one. And NO I will not write a book about Steve.”

He gets up to leave. “But James…people want to know his story, the real one and you could throw in some personal stuff.” She claps her hands together and rubs them excitedly. “I could get you a hell of an advance on something like that.”

He walks out and decides he needs a new editor. He stops in at the coffee house and Chloe smiles. “It’s good to see you. You want your regular?”

“Yeah, thanks.” He waits at the end of the counter. When Chloe brings the coffee to him in a to go cup, he decides to ask. “Chloe, my editor wants me to write a book about Steve. What do you think?”

“If you write it, you aren’t welcome here anymore.” She’s dead serious.

He smiles. “Thanks.” He turns to leave, but then turns back to her. “I told her no, just so you know.” That gets him another smile. He returns to the tower, picks up his phone and has JARVIS walk him through how to use it, then heads home. By the time he walks in the door, his old phone has six missed calls from his editor. He quickly retrieves Steve’s number from it before shoving it in a drawer. He sends a text to Steve about the new phone and number. It kind of feels nice to be holding this new phone, like a new chapter opening up. He smiles at the symbolism.

Within minutes of his thank you text for the phone, he receives a reply. “That wasn’t me, that was Tony. He said that if you were going to be part of the family, you needed to be able to connect.”

Bucky chuckles. “Well, I guess you should tell Iron Man thank you, but you’re getting the reward when you get home.”

He gets a heart eye emoji in response, but that’s all he hears. Bucky wonders what the mission is and how dangerous it is for Steve. Trying to take his mind off that, he goes to write. Like the editor or not, he has a novel to finish. It’s dark outside when the phone chirps then JARVIS starts talking causing Bucky to jump. “Mr. Barnes, you have not eaten and it is 9:27. Shall I order dinner for you?”

“Jesus! JARVIS, how…what…” Bucky jumps from the chair and drops the phone on the couch.

“I do apologize, sir. Now that you have a StarkPhone, you have access to me.”

Bucky picks the phone back up and laughs. “So, even when I’m not at the tower, I am still tied to the tower through you.”

“That is correct, sir. Now, shall I order dinner?”

“Uh…yeah, Thai sounds good.”

“Of course, sir.”

Bucky sits back down chuckling and starts working again. The food shows up and when Bucky tries to pay, they guy says it’s already been taken care of. Closing the door, he looks at his phone on the table. “JARVIS?”

“All orders made through my system are paid for by Mr. Stark.”

“We’ll talk about that later.” He eats and writes, but after several more hours, he’s stuck. The easiest thing to do would be to ask Steve, but he’s not here. Or maybe… “JARVIS?”

“Sir?”

“What can you tell me about the rations during the Great Depression? Just how hard was it to get sugar?” He sits back down while JARVIS goes through everything he ‘knows’ about sugar in the late 30’s early 40’s. Bucky grins and thinks this might not be so bad.

The mission goes spectacularly wrong almost from the beginning. The Hydra cell is bigger than they were told, their weapons are more destructive than they were told, and their determination to wipe out the Avengers is infinite. The team does succeed, but not without injury. Steve and Clint are the worst, but Nat and Tony are also hurt. It’s been almost two weeks of constant fighting and Steve lays as still as possible while Sam tries to get the bleeding under control. “S…sam…”

“Come on man, don’t try to talk.” He’s doing his best with battlefield triage, but it’s out of his ability.

“Call…call Bucky.” Steve looks white and Sam worries that he’s going to have to explain to Steve’s boyfriend that he won’t be coming back. Flashes of Riley go through his mind and he keeps working because he isn’t going to lose someone else.

Tony looks over and sees the pleading look on Steve’s face. He types in a request to JARVIS. If this goes south, Steve and Bucky need the closure.

“No man, you…” He doesn’t finish because Steve grabs his hand with a silent plea. “Okay…okay. JARVIS, get Barnes.”

Bucky’s phone rings while he’s with his editor again. This time, his screen flashes a red alert. He picks up. “Steve?”

Sam sighs. “No James, it’s Sam.”

Bucky knows that’s bad. “Sam? Where’s Steve?” He heads out of the office and to the lift with his editor yelling at him.

“Listen man, you need to get to the tower. We’re going to be there in about 17 minutes.” Sam sounds haggard and tired.

“Sam?” Bucky slides to the floor of the lift.

“It’s bad James. Really bad.” 

Bucky exits the building looking for a cab, when a black SUV pulls up. “Mr. Barnes, I’m Agent Coulson, get in.” He doesn’t even think, just jumps in not even looking at the agent.

The lower floors of the tower are normal, just people working for Stark Industries, but when he exits on the upper floor, it’s chaos. There’s a woman shouting orders at other people in scrubs, he assumes she’s the doctor in charge. She sees him and comes over. “Mr. Barnes, I’m Dr. Cho. We have Captain Rogers prepped and ready for surgery. I won’t lie, it’s bad, but I have no doubt that he’s going to pull through.” She indicates a waiting area and Agent Coulson leads him over.

He sits in silence for a long time. He finds out from Coulson that the rest of the team is being treated for their injuries too. Then silence follows. 

“Does this happen often?” Bucky hasn’t looked up, staring at the floor to center himself on something mundane.

“Injuries or injuries this severe?” Coulson has a calm demeanor that Bucky appreciates.

“This severe.” Everything in Bucky is trying to hold back tears. He hasn’t cried in many, many years.

“Since he came out of the ice…probably once.” Coulson doesn’t say anything else for several minutes, then, “You know, when I first met him, I embarrassed myself.” He chuckles and looks at Bucky.

Bucky knows that he’s trying to take his mind off of what’s happening, so he plays along hoping it works. “How so?”

“I admitted that I had sat next to his bed and watched him sleep. When they first brought him in, he was in a coma for a time. I came face to face with my childhood hero and couldn’t believe he was breathing in front of me. I just sat there for an entire day, watching.” He chuckles again.

Bucky looks up from staring at the floor. “I can’t say that I blame you, but I like to stare at him for different reasons.”

“Mr. Barnes, can I call you James?” Bucky nods. “James, I only saw the icon, I didn’t see the man. It wasn’t until later that I realized there was so much about him that wasn’t in the records. I’m glad he found you.”

“Agent…”

“Call me Phil, please.”

“Phil, he’s not what the files say. He is so much more.” Before Phil can respond the doors open and most of the team comes into the waiting area. Bucky stands and Sam hugs him. “Tell me he’s going to be okay.”

Sam sniffles. “I…” He stops what he was going to say. “He’s going to be okay.”

Bucky mumbles into his shoulder. “Damn right he is.”

Steve wakes in a haze of drugs. There’s a voice next to him, but he can’t get his eyes to open. As he focuses to listen, he hears Bucky talking to him. “You have to come back to me. It’s been four days Stevie. I can’t do this without you now that I found you.” There’s a sniffle. “I think Agent Coulson has a crush on you. I don’t have anything to worry about, do I?” There’s a pause. “Sam says you saved Clint’s life. I love that you’re a hero, but I gotta tell ya, I don’t like this part of it.” There’s silence, then a sob. “I’m not leaving you Steven Grant Rogers. I know this will be hard, but you’re worth it. If you were awake, you’d think I was crazy, but I’m already in love with you. I already need you so much.” Steve gathers his strength and with much effort he squeezes Bucky’s hand. He feels Bucky over him, like he stood up. “Steve? Squeeze my hand again if you can hear me.” Doubling his effort, Steve squeezes again. Bucky leaves the room, but comes back quickly with someone else.

“Captain Rogers, can you open your eyes?” He tries, he really does, but he can’t make it happen. His heart rate increases. “It’s okay. It’s normal because of the sedatives.” Someone not Bucky takes his hand. “Can you squeeze my hand?” He does. “That’s good. That’s really good. Captain, you’ve had surgery, but even with your advanced healing, you’re going to be mending for several more days. You need to sleep as much as possible. It will help it along.”

Then Bucky’s hand is back in his. “That’s it, Stevie, just relax and sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.” Steve lets himself drift back into oblivion.

Dr. Cho looks at Bucky. “He’s going to be okay. You need to get some rest.” He starts to shake his head, but she stops him. “I’ve talked to Mr. Stark and he’s given you full access to the tower. Let JARVIS take you to Captain Rogers’ floor to sleep. I promise I’ll have JARVIS get you if he starts to wake again.” Without acknowledging her words, he leans over, kissing Steve’s forehead and heads to the lift. 

Ten hours later, JARVIS wakes him. “Mr. Barnes.” Bucky sits straight up in Steve’s bed. “Dr. Cho has informed me that Captain Rogers should be waking in the next few hours. If you would like to shower, I will be happy to start the coffee.” Bucky grunts and heads into the bathroom.

It’s been nearly two weeks, Bucky is practically moved into Steve’s apartment. He’s not sure how it happened, but it seemed that each day more of his things found their way to the tower. Before he knew it, most of his apartment had found a place with Steve’s things. He’s pretty sure that Tony had something to do with it. No one says anything, so Bucky just settles in and takes care of Steve. He’d spent another five days on the medical floor before being transferred back to his. Bucky hadn’t left his side except to shower and fix food. Today he meets with his editor, who has been hounding him for information on the Avengers. 

“I swear to god, Janine, if you don’t stop asking for gossip, I’m going to find another publisher. My personal life is none of your damn business.” He’s about ready to walk out.

“Your personal life is intertwined with a national icon making it everyone’s business.” That’s it. Bucky has officially had it.

“I’m not dating a national icon, I’m dating Steve Rogers. There’s a huge difference and I’m done here.” He goes to the door. “I’ll be sending the rest of the chapters to you through messenger.”

Back at the tower, Steve is playing cards with Sam. They are laughing about something Tony did in the lab when Bucky walks in. “Bucky!” Every time Steve says his name, everything is right in Bucky’s world. He’s out of his seat and hugging the stuffing out of his boyfriend and Bucky returns it eagerly. “How did it go?”

Bucky sighs in his arms. “She’s still asking for a book about you. She wants some tell all gossip shit. We had words and I walked.”

Sam frowns. “Doesn’t she understand that a private life is private?”

Bucky laughs mirthlessly. “She said that because I’m dating a national icon, I didn’t have a private life, everything I do is public interest now.”

Steve rubs up and down his back. “Maybe you should just write the book.” They both look at him like he’s lost his mind. “Just listen. I was thinking about it and if you write it, at least I know it’s honest. You don’t have to put everything in, like us, but you could write the definitive biography of Steve G. Rogers.”

Bucky looks at him disbelieving. “You’re serious.”

“Well yeah, I mean…” Steve stops midsentence, looking sheepish.

“You want someone to tell the truth.” Steve nods and Bucky hugs him. “I’ll think about it, but I have to finish this one first.” He starts towards the office to get to work. “And I don’t want to publish with this company. If I do this, I want someone else.”

Bucky has a long conversation with Pepper about the biography on Steve. She loves the idea and understands his desire to publish with someone else. “If she had just suggested a biography, that would have been fine, but this need she has to make a gossip rag out of it is repulsive.” Bucky just nods. Getting up, Pepper comes around her desk and sits next to him. “I’m going to suggest this and I want you to say no if it makes you uncomfortable.” Bucky has learned that Pepper is a good, decent person that wants what’s best for the individual team members, but she’s also very protective of certain aspects of their lives. “Stark Industries owns a publishing house.” Bucky quirks an eyebrow. “I know, I know, you don’t want anything handed to you, but you would work under the standard contract, just like any other author. I would hand pick your editor, but you would have final say. You would be paid handsomely.” Again with the eyebrow. “Not because of your personal connection to me or the Avengers, but because a book like this dictates a handsome advance.”

“Let me think about it.” She pats his leg. “And I’ll have to talk to Steve and see if he was serious.” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And there’s also the problem of my contract with the other house.”

She smirks. “You let me worry about that. It’s why I pay our lawyers the big bucks.” He laughs and goes to find his boyfriend who is supposed to be in the gym.

Steve and Natasha are sparring and Bucky leans against the wall, just watching. The difference in their fighting styles is evident. Sam comes in not long after and leans against the wall with him. Natasha moves like a ballerina and Steve moves with grace, but it’s more physical. It’s beautiful to watch, but also really, really hot. 

Sam starts to chuckle next to him. “Gettin turned on there, Barnes?”

Bucky blushes and looks at the floor. “No?”

Sam cackles at that, walking toward the two fighting. “Cap, I think you better take your boy home, he’s having intimacy issues.” Steve stops and looks at Sam confused.

Bucky wants to melt through the floor. Steve comes jogging over into Bucky’s personal space. “That true?” He’s whispering so that no one else can hear.

“I don’t really want to answer that.” Bucky looks up and Steve sees the lust in his eyes.

“By not answering you’re kinda answering.” He’s got that cocky smile that Bucky’s come to love.

“Shut up, Rogers and let’s go.” Steve gives a half-assed wave and they are out the door.

Back in the apartment, Bucky drags Steve to the shower, strips them quickly and pushes him toward the ridiculously large walk in. Standing under the spray, Steve smiles. “What do you want Buck?”

Bucky is suddenly filled with a number of things: thoughts, fears, desires. Looking up into Steve’s face, the taller man can see and reaches up to cup his cheek, stroking along his jaw. “Everything.” He backs Steve into the wall and kisses him with everything he has, Steve whimpers, and releases control over to the man he’s fallen in love with. 

Later, on his hands and knees on the bed, Steve screams Bucky’s name again, coming on the sheets below them for the third time. Bucky slams in, stilling and empties inside of Steve. He lays over Steve’s back and doesn’t pull out. Everything he’s ever wanted is beneath him on the bed. Steve collapses and Bucky lays on his back. 

There’s a chuckle from the man under him. “What are you laughing about?”

Steve keeps chuckling, taking Bucky’s hand, kissing the palm. “I was just thinking if I’d met you in my time, what our relationship would have been like.” He wiggles around and gets comfortable with Bucky still draped across his back. “You probably wouldn’t have given me the time of day back then.”

Bucky carefully pulls out of Steve and rolls onto the bed beside him. “Do you think I’m with you because of the way you look?”

Steve buries his face in his arms, so his answer is muffled, but Bucky hears it loud and clear. “Yes…no…maybe a little.”

Bucky forces Steve to looks at him. “I’ve seen pictures of you back then. I would have been all over you from the get go.” He grins. “I could have put you right where I wanted you and you couldn’t have done anything about it.”

Steve gives a weak smile. “Really?”

Bucky brushes his hair away from his forehead, kissing it. “Yes, really. I can’t believe you thought this was about your looks.” Steve flushes in embarrassment. “Don’t get me wrong Steve, you are beautiful, but you were beautiful back then too. That’s not different.”

Steve rolls onto his back. “I love you, Bucky. I hope you know that and I hope it isn’t unwanted.”

That answers a question that Bucky’s been curious about. He’d told Steve over and over when he was in a coma that he was loved, but he doesn’t remember it. “I love you too, Steve. I thought you heard me say that the day you woke up. I guess you missed that.”

Steve beams at him. “I guess I did, but I’m sure glad to hear it now.” Just as Bucky is about to say something else, JARVIS interrupts.

“Sirs, Ms. Potts has requested your presence at the team dinner tonight.”

Bucky leans in, kissing Steve over and over. “Tell her we’ll be there.” 

Bucky finishes the novel while Steve is away on a mission and messengers it over to his editor. He starts organizing the apartment. His entire apartment is now on Steve’s floor and he doesn’t know what to do with some of his stuff. Mumbling to himself, he moves through the boxes, trying to decide where to start.

“Sir, are you quite well?”

Bucky laughs. “Yeah JARVIS, I’m fine, just kinda lost in all this stuff.”

“There is storage on level 32 if you wish to utilize the space.”

“I might take you up on that once I know what I have.” Opening a box, he finds the album with family photos. Sitting on the floor, he opens the cover to see a wedding picture of his parents. “JARVIS can you put a call in to Becca for me?”

“Of course, sir.”

“James Buchannan Barnes, would you like to tell me why I haven’t heard from you for weeks?”

Bucky chuckles. “Well, I’ve been trying to finish the novel and then I moved in with Steve and I’m trying to sort through everything.”

There’s a gasp. “You moved in with Captain America and didn’t tell me?!”

“No Becca, I moved in with Steve. There is a difference.”

“The general population isn’t going to see it that way.”

Bucky sighs. “You sound like my editor and you know how I feel about her.”

There’s a pause and he wonders if he’s upset her. “I’m sorry, Bucky. I should act better than this.” Bucky doesn’t say anything. “Maybe if I met him, it wouldn’t be like this.”

“What if I fly you in?” There’s a squeal. “I’m going to take that as a yes. He’s away on a mission, but if you stay for a little while I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

“Are you kidding? I’ll stay as long as you want.”

Becca arrives two days later and is handed a badge at the security desk. It has her picture, her name, and it says ‘Avenger’ at the bottom. She nearly faints. When the lift opens, Bucky has put away everything of his boxes that he needs or wants and everything else has been stored. Becca jumps when a disembodied voice announces her arrival.

“Sir, Ms. Barnes has arrived.”

Becca runs to her brother as he responds. “Thank you JARVIS.”

She looks around the apartment, taking in the paints and canvases mixed in with her brother’s things. There are pictures on the shelves of Bucky and Steve, some more intimate than others, but all of them exude happiness and contentment. She’s never seen the look on Bucky’s face before, the one he looks at Steve with. “You love him.”

Bucky comes out of the kitchen with coffee, sitting the tray on the table. “More than I thought possible.” He pours hers, fixing it the way she likes. “Hey, you remember how mom and dad used to fight?”

“You mean how they used to fight and then scream ‘I love you, asshole’ at the other one.” Bucky chuckles because sometimes he thinks that his memories are skewed when it comes to what he remembers.

“Yeah, like that.” He sits after fixing his own coffee. “I thought it was so weird at the time, but looking back, it was their way of making sure that no matter what, the other always knew it didn’t change their feelings.”

“I used to think I had the weirdest parents on the planet.” She looks at how her brother is staring down into his coffee cup. “They loved each other no matter what. They had a bizarre way of showing it, but I never doubted how they felt about each other or us.” Bucky nearly tears up. “Bucky?”

Taking a deep breath, he looks at his sister, misty eyed. “I didn’t think I’d ever find that. I thought I would be alone and never know how true love would feel. Then I met Steve and it just clicked into place like it had been waiting for him to come into my life.”

She slides down the sofa, hugging him. “Do you know how lucky that makes you?”

He holds her. “Luck had nothing to do with it, it’s all Steve.”

They sit and talk for a couple of more hours when JARVIS interrupts. “Sir, Ms. Potts would like you and Ms. Barnes to join her for dinner.”

Becca’s eyes sparkle with excitement. Bucky knows what that means. “Tell her we’ll be up shortly.”

“Very good, sir.”

“It’s still weird that you have a butler that’s not even a person.” She looks up at the ceiling.

Bucky looks aghast at the idea. “I’ll have you know that JARVIS is not a butler. JARVIS is…well he’s…JARVIS help me out here.”

“I have been called many things, Mr. Barnes and butler is not the worst.”

Bucky laughs looking at Becca. “JARVIS is the reason that the Avengers are taken care of, he makes sure that I eat when I’m in the writing zone, and he’s probably the best person I know.”

“You are very kind, Master James.”

That throws Becca into a fit of giggles. “He’s being a sarcastic little shit right now.”

Bucky nods. “That’s another thing that makes JARVIS the best.”

The dinner with Pepper is everything that Becca hoped for and more if the hero worship on her face is anything to go by. As they exit back on Steve’s floor or their floor now, she starts asking about the new book that was brought up during dinner. “So, you’re going to write a book about Steve?”

“Yeah, but not what my current editor wants. It’s going to be a joint effort with Steve.” Bucky gives a soft smile.

The following morning, Bucky wakes to the smell of bacon and coffee. He smiles because Becca knows him so well. Dragging out of bed, he pulls on a pair of Steve’s pajama pants and heads into the kitchen only to find...

“Steve?”

The taller man smiles, coming to Bucky, wrapping arms around him and pulling him into a hug. Bucky entire body relaxes into the embrace. “Morning sweetheart.”

Bucky hums at the endearment. “I missed you.” Looking up into that beautiful face, he nearly melts at the look of adoration.

“I missed you too. I have to go down later for the debrief, but I wanted to see you and fix you breakfast.” Bucky doesn’t respond, just kisses Steve.

“It’s going to take some getting used to having my brother kissing Captain America.” The two men jump apart and turn to Becca.

“Jesus, I forgot you were here.” She comes over and Bucky does this introductions. “Steve, this is my sister Becca. Becca, this is Steve Rogers, my boyfriend.”

She offers her hand. “Steve, it’s really good to meet you.”

Steve looks between the two, trying to figure out how he didn’t know an extra person was in their apartment. Taking her hand, he smiles. “Becca, it’s really nice to meet you too.” Looking back at the stove, he hums. “I should fix more food.”

Becca laughs. “I like him already.” She elbows her brother. “He cooks for you. You need to keep him.”

As Steve puts more bacon in the pan, Bucky wraps around him from behind. “Oh I plan to.”

True to her word, Pepper does get Bucky out of his contract and he signs with E. Jarvis Publishing. His editor is a very relaxed man by the name of Matthew. He sits with Bucky and talks through the ideas for the biography. “How do you see this being written? This biography is going to be hugely important and I don’t want anything getting in the way of artistic freedom.”

Bucky has thought a lot about what he wants to do with this and then talked it over with Steve, whose eyes lit up at Bucky’s suggestion. “Steve and I talked about it and I want him to tell me stories. I don’t want this to be me asking him questions, I want him to just talk about his life.” Matthew nods. “I also talked to Steve about art for the book and he wants to do drawings that will be interspersed with the stories.”

Matthew’s eyes dance at that idea. “That sounds incredible. I know that he draws, but he’s always treated his art as private. The readers will eat that up, but if at any point he feels uncomfortable with it, we can pull the art.” Yeah, Bucky likes how this is working out.

The meeting goes on from there, but all in all, it’s successful. When he arrives back on their floor, Becca is drinking a cup of tea while Steve draws by the window and they are talking quietly. “I don’t know if I can ever thank him for raising me and giving me the courage to go away to school and case my dreams.”

“You’re very lucky to have someone like him in your life. I had one friend and my ma. She always told me I could do anything, but we both knew I was going to be dead by the time I was 25, so I never really thought too far ahead.” It’s said so matter of factly and twists Bucky’s gut into a knot.

Coming into the room, both heads come up. Becca keeps sipping her tea and Steve’s face lights up. “Got room for one more?”

Steve sits the pad and pencil down, coming to Bucky and sweeping him up into his arms. “Always.” Becca grins behind her cup and is about to say something when the alarm goes off. Steve sits Bucky down and squares his shoulders. “JARVIS?”

‘Avengers emergency, Captain. Your presence is requested.’

Steve hangs his head. “Thanks, JARVIS.” He looks up at Bucky. “I’m sorry, I have to…”

Bucky leans up and kisses him. “Go, I’ll see you when you get back.” Steve leans in, kissing him again, pecks Becca on the cheek and runs for the lift.

“That man loves you like I’ve never seen.” Bucky blushes at her words, but also kind of eats it up.

“Yeah, the feelings mutual.”

She snorts. “No kidding.”

The biography is finished. It is much harder than any of his other novels to turn over. Everything in it is true to Steve as a person, but there is one part that Bucky is having trouble letting go of. The night that Steve told him the story, Bucky had cried most of the night. Nothing that Steve did could calm him. Steve finally just let the love of his life cry until he exhausted himself. Then for weeks after and sometimes even now, months later, he’ll see that look pass over Bucky and know that he’s in for a day of pampering like nothing ever before.

Matthew comes to see him after reading it. He sits with Bucky, Steve being away on a mission, and looks at his client sadly. “I want to ask you again, are you sure you want to include it in the book?”

Bucky doesn’t have to ask, he knows and tears up yet again. “I talked it over with Steve again and again. He wants it in the book. He says that he wants people to understand him better and put themselves in his place.” Bucky gets up to pace the room. “I get his point of view, but it hurts every time I think about it.”

Matthew sighs. “I get it…I mean I don’t really get it because I don’t love him like you do, but I get how this…Jesus Bucky, I don’t even know what to call it.” Bucky just nods. “How about this? We give the manuscript to the team, let them read it and if they don’t have a reaction then we’ll know it’s okay.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. It’s taken time, but they’ve become family and we’ll see what they think.”

The team returns, haggard and tired, but after debriefing they are each handed a copy of the manuscript. Nothing is said, even when they give him a quizzical look, he just walks away. The following night, while Steve and Bucky are cuddled on the couch, watching a movie, the lift pings. The team, plus Pepper exit the lift all looking teary-eyed and sniffling. Even Tony and Natasha look like they’ve been put through the ringer. Bucky sits up, knowing.

Steve pauses the movie, looking confused and concerned. “Guys?”

The next thing they know, the team is piling onto the couch and floor surrounding the two. Bucky looks up at Steve. “They read the book. I told you that part was going to do this to people.” Bucky gets up to fix coffee because this conversation is going to go on all night. As he vacates his spot, it’s quickly taken by Clint who snuggles into Steve side like Pepper is doing on the other. 

It takes time for anyone to actually say anything. Everyone has their coffee, but no one knows how to talk about it. Steve looks at Bucky, who had to pull a chair from across the room because the team wouldn’t move to let him back into his spot. “Should I talk about it?”

Bucky snorts. “You’re going to have to, Steve. They aren’t going to leave until you talk about it.” Looking at the others, Bucky rolls his eyes. “In fact, they may never leave by the looks of it.”

Steve sits up rolling the coffee cup in his hands leaning on his knees. “What do you guys want to know?”

Tony takes the manuscript that he hasn’t let go of since reading that chapter and smacks Steve in the head with it. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

There are more comments confirming that they want to know too. “I didn’t know how to say it out loud and when we got to that part in the book, it just came out with Bucky. I didn’t want to have any secrets from him and that seemed like something he needed to know.”

Bucky just sits back and doesn’t volunteer anything. He knows this needs to play out between the team. Oh, he’s still going to have bad days with this, but those will be between him and Steve. “Jesus Steve, don’t you get it?” Sam just looks at him forlornly. “Two weeks after you come out of the ice, you’re being thrown into a battle with aliens. Someone needed to know this, so maybe you could have been eased back into everything.”

“It just was the way things were and people needed me. And it isn’t like Fury would have cared.” Bucky’s heard that before and huffs. Steve looks up knowing tomorrow is going to be a pampered day.

Pepper opens the manuscript to the page she marked. Because the novel is written as stories, most of it is first person, but the beginning of this chapter is a foreword by Bucky.

_“Before you, the reader, dive into this next chapter, I need to forewarn you about what you will find here. I’m in a unique position to call this man you are reading about my life and love, but even I was devastated by what came out. What you read next are Steve’s own words, nothing has been added or changed for affect. Be warned, it will not be easy to read.”_

_“I didn’t really think about what taking the plane down would mean for me. All I could think about was the people of New York. That’s where the plane was headed. I had to do something and what I did seemed the best choice. Peggy, Agent Carter, tried to talk me out of it, but the plane was running low on fuel and we didn’t have time to make a different call. I’ll never be able to thank her enough for being a voice in my ear when I was alone. I knew that it was the end for me, but what else had I been created for if not this._

_What happened after wasn’t something I could have planned for and certainly didn’t expect. I just remember thinking how cold I used to be all the time and how this wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. After the plane impacted, I was thrown from the command chair. I had to scramble for a few minutes to get my bearings. I managed to grab the shield and looked for a place to stay warm for as long as possible._

_After a little while, I realized that staying warm wasn’t really an option, so I looked for some place to lay down. The plane had been upended, so I settled on a bulkhead. The engines were still melting the snow and ice. Water was coming in, it tasted like salt water and reminded me of the beach at Coney Island.” **At this point Steve laughs like he’s remembering a trip from when he was a boy.** “I expected it to be slow, you know, freezing to death.” **This is said with such a matter-of-fact attitude that the writer thought about reaching out and smacking his boyfriend. **_

_“What I didn’t expect was to feel myself freezing and not losing consciousness. Even after I was sure that my body was frozen, I was still aware.” **I made a point when writing this to never interrupt Steve while he was telling a story. I would jot down questions as they came to me to come back to later, but in this instance, I needed to ask the question you are all probably wondering. “Steve, how long were you aware?” I knew I wasn’t going to like the answer when he chuckled in that self-deprecating way. **“The whole time. I was locked in the ice, but I knew everything. After awhile, I didn’t think about time anymore and sort of told myself stories to pass the time. Then I couldn’t do that anymore and had to accept that I was going to survive for…well…forever like that. Awake, but not awake. It was like being in hell and after a long while that’s what I convinced myself had happened. I’d actually died and had been sent to hell. This was my punishment for wanting to be more than I was meant to be.”_

Pepper closes the manuscript with tears streaming down her face. Everyone, except Steve, is crying again. Bucky’s gotten up and gone to the window. Looking out at the lights of a city that never sleeps. Placing his hands on the window, he uses it to hold himself up. He can’t, he just can’t. Hearing the words out loud again is too much. His knees buckle and he lets himself sink to the floor. Steve is there before he’s all the way down.

The team watches how he pulls Bucky into his lap, cradling him and whispering words of comfort in a situation that has none. “I’m here. I’m okay. Everything is okay. I love you so much. I’ll always love you. Please stay with me.”

The racking sobs that come out of Bucky, surprise the team and they find themselves going to the window and sitting around their leader and the man he loves. Steve’s hands on Bucky are joined by others. As hard as it was to read that chapter for them, having to write it must have destroyed the young writer.

The following morning Bucky wakes up with what feels like a hangover. He used to feel this way a lot after his parents died. Steve sleeps peacefully next to him and Bucky reaches out to brush his hair from his forehead. How he is this lucky, to have this man love him is something that Bucky will never understand, but will treasure every day.

He gets up, not really remembering coming to bed the night before, and slips into a pair of Steve’s sweat pants. He looks around for the shirt that Steve was wearing the night before, finding it on the chair, he pulls it on. It smells like his boyfriend and that’s what he needs right now. Last night wasn’t expected, but maybe it was needed. Bucky still doesn’t understand how Steve can just talk about what happened. It’s like it’s nothing, but it explains why Steve hasn’t felt like he belonged in this century. He did tell Bucky, right after he told the story, that for a little while he wasn’t really sure he was awake. He thought his mind had created all of this.

Bucky heads to the door so he can fix breakfast. Maybe they can take a bath together later. Maybe they can spend the rest of the day in bed. But when he opens the bedroom door he’s met with the unexpected. There are voices coming from the kitchen and blankets and pillows all over the living room. Thor comes out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee and what looks like a bagel. “Ah, good morning to you, James.”

He pulls the bedroom door closed and tentatively smiles at the God. “Morning?”

The rest of the Avengers, followed by Pepper come into the room. Shy smiles are plastered to their faces. Clint comes over, pulling him to the table. “How do you like your coffee? We got every kind of bagel there is.”

He’s a little overwhelmed by everything. “Uh…what’s happening?”

Natasha sits next to him, squeezing his hand. “We just wanted to make sure you and Steve were okay this morning.”

He looks over at the living room. “Did you sleep here?”

Tony comes out of the kitchen followed by Bruce. “Of course. You don’t think we’re going to abandon our family when they need us.”

“But you all live in the same building.” Bucky’s really confused and the voice behind him makes him jump.

“Yeah, but sometimes a floor or two away is too far for these guys. I’m starting to learn they have no boundaries.” Steve leans against the bedroom door frame wearing only pajama pants.

Bucky jumps up. “Steve.” He is enveloped in a hug that is warm and everything he needs.

Steve caresses his face, looking closely at the swollen eyes. “How are you this morning?”

He nuzzles into the hand on his cheek. “I’m confused by this, but better now.”

Steve barks a laugh and looks over at his team. “This is what family does. They take care of each other when things get tough.” The team beams at him. “I wouldn’t have them any other way.” Looking down into blue/grey eyes, he keeps smiling. “They want to make sure that the man I’m going to marry is okay and doesn’t feel alone.”

It takes Bucky’s brain a minute to catch up with Steve’s words. “Marry?”


End file.
